Twelve: Kidnapped! … Again

Kira was already regretting the decision to follow that damned snake to another villain’s lair as she’d found herself getting tied up to a chair and interrogated by a cactus plant with a head in the middle and a competing personality disorder. She had spent the majority of that session in discussion with the creature about the kind of work she did in a different area before the figure decided she was a samurai from a different region that had wiped out their ninjas and therefore could be useful for dominating that section of the world.

Once again Kira was being adopted into some take-over scheme and to her great surprise, or rather to her sarcastic ‘surprise’ it was with another organisation of mostly men with just one woman. This woman was named Konan, had blue hair and was actually very friendly towards Kira when they had their conversation. Oddly she reminded Kira very much of Gin, but if Gin were not male and creepy as sin. When Konan released her, they walked together to a room where the pair met the leader of the group, a man could Pein with even more split personalities then the plant Zetsu had. To Kira’s great relief though, Pein did not look at her and fall in love… instead he looked at her with tears welling in her eyes and Kira was suddenly quite startled by his outcry.

“It’s you! You’ve come back to me!” His several bodies with their bright ginger hair and myriad of piercings came cantering over and Konan was looking incredibly vexed. She looked prepared to take Kira out when the men clambered about Kira, gripping her in a massive hug and in a chorus of tears and whimpers they called out. “MUMMY!”

“Oh no…” Kira groaned and the cry alerted other members of the group to come shuffling in to greet her. Despite what Kira had tried to explain, Pein seemed to know exactly who she was, where she had come from and who Aizen was… which only made Kira shriek in terror! What the hell was going on in this universe? But swiftly Pein grasped her in a tight hug… at least his long-haired form did and lead her gently to the side where he whispered gently into her ear.

“It’s a little awkward to explain… but I am your son, Aizen is my father and you should really be careful about who you assign as a baby-sitter. For a start a blind man who thinks an inter-dimensional portal is the garbage chute and a baby a bag of rubbish….” At this Kira lifted her finger as if to dispute this claim and then gently she pressed a finger to her lip, gave a slight grunt of surprise and then slapped her forehead hard. Yeah… she could totally see that happening.

After managing to avoid another series of interested villains by Pein’s various bodies walking with her at all times, Kira was introduced to members of the ‘Akatsuki’ and how interesting they all were. To be honest she found that Sasori was a little too obsessed with his puppets to give her much notice, Kisame was sated as long as she threw a raw fish to him every so often, Itachi just clung to her coat every now and again to get a bit of attention like a kid, Zetsu spent his time in the soil, Kakuzu didn’t care unless she paid him to pay attention, Deidara was a little flirtatious and Hidan had dared to slap her backside and then got punched by five of Pein’s bodies in a simultaneous dog-pile.

“This is a weird organisation you’ve got here… don’t tell me you’ve decided to make something to rival every other bunch of idiots I know? I’m seriously expecting you to be no different to your father.” Kira groaned, rather frustrated that she was buying into this idea, but considering every muck around in science she’d ever had could easily create this kind of situation. After-all, what had she been playing in recently but alternate universes? As she was settled somewhere to have dinner and relax, she caught her reflection out of the corner of her eye and realised something important… Pein was recognising her with the hair colour she didn’t have in Hueco Mundo… so an alternative Kira and Aizen had produced him!

“It’s much more straightforward than that! Unlike the man that spawned me, I have the power of a true god… I am immortal… I am…”

“Batman!” Kira stated suddenly and automatically, making the Pein that was with her this time, one with a ponytail and an elaborate bang that made him look more feminine than the blonde idiot in the place, scowl at her. Kira had automatically ignored the look of the body piercings but now she poked one of the lines of bolts on this one’s cheek and gave a snigger. “Sorry… I do that whenever your father says the same… gosh that seems weird.”

“But he isn’t a god… he’s got one body…”

“And a gimp suit.” Kira stated, only to apologise for the automatic outburst and then notice that all the Pein’s had gone pallid. The six of them stared at her in shock and surprise, worried that perhaps she was actually being serious. Kira was not sure how to try and quieten them down as she could see them building up to make the usual comment about listening to anything involving their parents and sex. But, like all parents, Kira just responded with something even worse. “Oh no… I wouldn’t go that far, I like to see the look on his face when he realises I’ve tied him up and just left him there…”

“That…. That sounds so damn hot! Please… brutalise me you ebon-haired goddess!” Hidan gurgled through a mouth filled with blood and Kira shuddered in disgust. He sounded more like Aizen than any of the other’s she’d met so far, even Xemnas had been far too self-absorbed to refer to Kira as anything but his ‘equal’. However, Pein reacted correctly and continued his beating of the silver-haired lunatic as Kira just sat down at the table and breathed a sigh of relief.

This was a much more relaxing situation than she would have guessed from being kidnapped by Vexen, but she was still worried that she shouldn’t have left him alone. She assumed the snake had probably gone back to look for him as she’d asked, but who could tell when Kira was suddenly confronted with something unusual and terrifying. She had not noticed this particular being before, if only because it had been so busy wobbling about like a Jawa from Star Wars, fiddling with interesting objects and occasionally watering Zetsu against his will to caused bright pink flowers to pop out of his green cactus leaves.

Kira could not recall what the creature’s name was but she was more than sure she did not want it watching her the way it did. In fact, it was scuttling along the edge of the table making funny noises of utter fascination through it’s curious black and orange mask. The swirls on the mask were not helping either, every time Kira looked towards them she felt a little dizzy especially whenever she saw a strange flashing red eye within. As much as she tried to ignore the creature and get up to shuffle off, it seemed to follow after her and she shuddered in disgust as it seemed to whisper out towards her.

“Tobi….”

“Oh yeah, that’s your name…” Kira stated, with a sudden look of understanding a realisation before she was suddenly grabbed by the strange creature. She had no time to scream before it smacked her on the head with an empty tortoiseshell it had found near Zetsu. Kira was out like a light and the strange figure had her by the ankles, dragging her off into the depths of the layer as the rest of the Akatsuki became suddenly aware of something strange going on outside. Not to mention they were concerned by the large snake that had helped Kira slinking past with something clearly visible trying to fight its way out of its gullet.

The lands certainly were getting strange these days…